Oh, I don't know how many times I have tried to cancel out today and attempt to throw myself into tomorrow. I saw tomorrow, my future self and my future reality some how better than my current self. Thinner, prettier, happier, more in control. The new and improved Lisa. Like I was looking for an extreme makeover.
The makeover is occurring, but not in the way I expected. I had to finally surrender into today. Into who I was right now. I had to lovingly experience the life I was having now, otherwise I was never going to be able to create a loving life into the future.
Being present in today meant, being present with all that I was and am today. It meant feeling what was happening for me today, whether that be my self rejection and fear of not being safe, along side the experience of magnificence that I was and am. Sometimes I had to white knuckle it, sometimes it felt like a tornado going through me (and still does sometimes).
Each time you are able to be present in today, it supports your capacity to create into tomorrow. Because the future is created in the pulse of life that happens in the now. We don't think, intellectualize or escape into the pulse of life. We experience it.
So you might bypass the present moment by saying I don't have enough money, it must be because somewhere inside of me I believe I am unworthy of receiving money. Let me fix that by taking a class on worthiness.' Ok, that is one possibility but I'm curious, what would happen if you simply became present with what-is today ~ the experience of 'not having enough money' and the 'need to fix it'. What is that like for you? Hang out with that and see what happens. That is presence.
Or you might say I binge eat and I am ashamed about that. I have an urgency to fix it. Cause I don't want to get fat and ugly.' Ok, take a breathe and be with those words, be present with the charge those words have on you. Be present with the desperate need to fix and change yourself. And feel what is underneath that desperate need - perhaps shame, terror, powerlessness ~ drop into those sensations too. There is nothing to fix, nothing to change. Just hang out with what is and see what happens. There is always something bigger and greater that emerges through presencing.
As much as you may think you are a horrible person that needs fixing and/or dieting. I don't. I don't see you in that light. So if you are struggling to be present with yourself now in the moment, call on a resource that sees the beauty that you are now, they can be imaged or real, and let them support you in presencing the moment. Or you can ask a question 'what is right about me (or this), that I am not seeing?, that is another resource that can help you build tolerance with what is.
Hang out in today. Feel the generative energy that creates all life today, not tomorrow. Build tolerance with it. It is your friend, your ally, not your enemy. It will provide you with the building blocks for a life that works for you and your beautiful body.
I am a Masters degree in counseling psychology and 25 years experience helping women break free of their issues with their bodies and food. My dream is that every woman who so desires, transform her wounds and unleash her inner passion and beauty, discovering the possiblities of fiercely alive, authentic soul-expression. For more information please visit http://www.emotionaleating.com.
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